The urge inside me

I need to start writing.

I need to carve my thought anywhere.

So that I'll remember what are my thoughts every now and then.

For that reason,

I need a privacy.

It's good to have many followers.

But sometimes,

I wanna post something confidential for my own self.

Need not others to know what's exactly happening to me.

As for now, 

I could say, I'm in the worst state everrr.

In a state of confusion,

But I'd make a decision.

Somehow apparently I feel lost and inadequate.

I crave for more.

I wanna search about You and Your messenger more.

I wanna seriously making up with You.

I know,

To be special in Your eyes, 

I need to let go many things,

If those things could gain Your blessing,

I'm on it. 

O Allah, give me strength to fight against myself.

Against my nafs,

Innaka ni'kmal maula wa ni'k mannashir. 

Ameen ya rabbal 'alamin.